IBS Application for Matthew 8:9-10

“The centurion answered and said, ‘Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof. But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.’ When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!’”

Faith has always felt like it’s a miracle in itself to me. That faith is counted by God within the realm of what can be *known* astounds me. The world looks at a Christian’s faith and says, “You believe that God is real, that all people have sinned and need to be saved, but where’s your proof?” As we found out when discussing Hebrews 11:1, faith itself is evidence of things not seen, which is to say, God and His promises to us.

It seems to me that it would have been, or that it at least *should* have been, a humbling thing for the Jews following Jesus when He marveled at the faith of the Roman centurion, who was a Gentile. An unclean, filthy Gentile had more faith than anyone in the multitude of Jews who were following Him.

This, in a way, gives me some hope for my walk. If a Gentile could have more faith than the Jews who should have known better than a Gentile, then I know that I am also capable of such faith. Faith enough to know that when I ask something of God, I will receive it from Him as long as it is His will for me.

This is something I feel that I *have* to start applying to my life. I have a problem with asking other people for help, let alone from God. As I’ve mentioned before in previous IBS journal entries, it stems from a fear of failure primarily, and I’m terrified of giving up control. I feel comfortable and safe when I’m given the reins, at least until I mess it all up. God let me have control of things in my life for five years, because I thought that I could fix things by my own power, but all I ended up doing was making an already bad situation 50 times worse. All due to the fact that I chose not to rely on God to restore, heal, and redeem things.


I’ve discovered that the scars from that period of my life still hurt to this day. It’s more of a wound that still hasn’t fully healed rather than a scar. I thought that I was over it, but being here, in a place that I can be vulnerable has brought the pain back to the surface, and I’m more aware than ever of my fear of losing or giving up my control. But I know that God will heal this wound completely someday. Something tells me that healing will come during my time here. Even if I’m wrong, I have decided that I will pray everyday that this wound would be healed and that whatever the purpose of that trial would be made manifest to me, so that perhaps I can use it to help others who may have had a similar trial, until it is so; because I want to let God do good work through me and through my trials so that I can help others who’ve dealt with similar pain. Pray without ceasing, right?

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